I made myself wait until the next summer to decide what to do with my life. My health was horrible then and I hadn't the energy to function, let alone live, and spent most of my home hours laying on the floor recovering from an office job. (Sitting in an office was, apparently, really hard.) I never lost the ability to function, I just tired real easy. Then September came, the weather broke, it cooled down and I recovered to normal.

Despite the extremes we've had, this summer has been generally mild. The hot spells still wiped me out, even when I'm in cool AC all day. (Those 5 days in 70 deg temp control? Probably really good for me, even if I am freezing. I have a hard time keeping home temperatures at 78, let alone 76, and I can feel the difference some days.) But I have a better feel of it now, I know it's not going away but it can be controlled. Life will be harder for me than most, but that's true for more people than can be counted. I'm good most of the year.

It's reaching decision making time and, in keeping with most things, my subconscious figured this out long before me. Thanks to the US Dept of Labor's Occupational Handbook (which I posted for our Student Resource page) I've learned that I'm a technical writer, specifically, a science writer. (As far as titles go. There's a biological scientist and that's how specific it gets so tech writer is good enough.) As part of my job, I've started using illustrator in the adobe suite and working on our webpages. Both of these are very peripheral (I can update links and change text, not create webpages, and illustrator and photoshop have been used to convert or check things). If I ask, though, I might be able to get monetary help with courses about them. Or, which I'd prefer except I wouldn't get certified (though, if I leave AMS, I could include it. I don't have certification or education in writing/editing either), I could work on tutorials at work or just go through the manual. (The reason this would be at work is that my present computer is a netbook, which is small, and I'd rather not spend time doing anything other than fun stuff on it.)

Among other things, this would make me very marketable. (Should I decide to leave DC, if I stay in DC I will stay at AMS. I like it here.) It would, however, mean an office job for forever. That's what this work is. And what do I do but come home and sit in my apartment? (Going out in the summer is hot and exhausting, in the winter it is dark. Actually, in the winter I hang out with friends more, summer sorta sucks because my friends are all busy. I think this may be part of the reason I'm feeling a bit lonely right now. They're starting to return, and I'll be busy and so have less wanderlust.)

Today though, while checking links, I wished I could get out... ...

Hee. This was really bothering me, I thought it was a huge epiphany, but writing this out it strikes me that my discontent was just part of the job. It was boring and dull today, all my big projects are done, I'm working on odds and ends, don't know what's next, we've been having a horrible time with our Ocean Studies book (late to the publishers, problems with binding, this that, on and on, and some new stupidity every day), etc. But I really enjoy the rest of it. I enjoy the writing and editing. (I really enjoy the editing, they probably think I'm nuts.)

I guess this is the thing. What I wanted to do with my life was to be outside, not an office, to feel free and make my own way (wildlife management is pretty independent). That's not going to happen, most likely because I've done what I've wanted. Maybe I overstressed my body, maybe it was coming regardless, maybe I slowed or rushed it, but, whatever, I can't do the outside thing. Wishing won't change that, life isn't so kind, but it was kind enough so I could find another way to do what I love. And I do enjoy it.

HA! I finally got on livejournal to write out my problems and discovered I don't really have any. Win for me!
Have a nice day.

(ps: no, I still don't know how to handle the title but I've a habit of laying on my bed in the sun after a shower and falling asleep nowadays. It's a weekend thing (there's no sun when I get out of the shower on weekdays) and quite confusing.)

The wee hours of the morning are not the time I should be awake anymore. I now have grown up working hours and it is best if I am sleeping until the bigger morning hours. That is not the case this morning, however, so we'll just accept that.

In more exciting (but even less good) news, my wallet was stolen yesterday morning. I thought it was stolen in the afternoon and am still amazed at the time frame in which it was snatched. I have my smartrip (metro) card in my wallet so it disappeared between the metro exit and work, which is one corner, an escalator and crosswalk distance. I had to wait at the crosswalk for 30 sec so, altogether, the whole thing probably took 3 minutes, if that. There is the possibility that I dropped it instead of replacing it in my purse. Whoever took it, or found it, didn't waste too much time in using it. Not big purchases, only those that don't require signing. Convenience versus security.

The cards are now canceled, I've a few more things to handle tomorrow morning (replacing my ID, canceling my smartrip card, filing a police report) but, as far as that goes, I'm set. I've emergency money, thankfully, so I can buy groceries, as I can't charge anything or get cash from the bank, and the chunk of change I did lose will curtail my pitiful social life as well.

The worst part, however, was that I discovered the lose right before buying ice cream. No ice cream for Katie! :(

(In case you're curious, yes, I'm reacting to the heat. My earrings are weird. I think I'm losing sensation around the earlobes but not within the lobes so I keep turning them and trying to itch my ear. This is my response to going numb - I scratch. It's a subconscious reaction and only makes it worse. I can't feel the scratching. Fortunately, my brain kicks in and I stop. That's the least of the effects. The cool effect is that I sleep like the dead. I know this is because my body's past exhausted but I've had trouble sleeping lately so I'll take what I can get.)

I had to move the latest batch of ale from the coat closet to the clothes closet. The coat closet got too warm so we're just going to hope the amber ale doesn't foam over. It's pretty unusual they do but it's with my clothes now; that would suck. I'm still about 6 degrees too high but that's better than 10. I suppose I could turn up the AC more... but not enough. 68-72 F is COLD. My brew can cope. It'll just be fruitier and less alcoholic (yeast converts the sugar to esters, which taste fruity, above 75 F). Or, I'll compromise, we'll drop the temp to 76. Ages ago, I bought a black lager but that brews cold, 45-55. I'm mailing it to my parents, I don't have a basement. Wheat beers have a wider range of temperatures, 62-85, so I'll pretend that's why I'm brewing one next. (Explains a lot about it being a summer brew though. Of course, if I was a monk with a monastery, I bet I'd have nice cool cellars for fermenting my beer. I'd have to be a guy though, I don't think nuns brewed. I may also have to be a bit more religious.)

While pulling out some papers stored in the clothes closet, I decided I should clean the whole thing. Though a good idea in the long run, it means my mostly clean bedroom became a mess. (Cleaning the closet = taking everything out and dumping it on the bed then on the floor) I discovered I could fit on the bottom shelf then took a nap (in bed) and now it's almost 7pm!!! What happened to the day? Why am I more cranky after taking a nap then before? (Poor cats. But not that poor. I had to do my laundry last night because the big cat took a dump on my bed. I'm still pretty irritated with him. He almost got dropped in the bathtub with the soaking sheets. That was before I realized I should just wash them. I was really tired.) I am still really tired, I'd have tea if it wasn't so late. Or I'll have some herbal tea, it'll be warm and soothing.

I signed up for a local fresh vegetable delivery service thing, and they bring me a crate of fresh veggies every Thursday (provided I order it, which I'm not this week because I've an over abundance of veggies already). But they're just random veggies, and each time they have included lemons. I cannot tell you how much these lemons have befuddled me. Vegetables, regardless what kind, can be turned into a stew or made special or something but, for me, you just eat fruit. Chomp, chomp, chomp. But I am not eating a lemon. (I received 2 or 3 lemons each time, that is not enough for lemonade, which I'm not that interested in making anyway.)

Eventually (while eating out) it struck me that I could put them in water! (shut up) And so I did and they are delicious in tea (all by themselves) as well as in cold water and I am delighted with my lemons. (I even tried to eat a lemon, out of curiosity, and decided it definitely needs to be diluted.)

Out of procrastination, I looked up 'hot water with lemon.' (This is much like looking up the word 'cheese' or 'dragon.') I read about diets and health benefits and 'how to prepare hot water with lemon,' which was ridiculous. But they missed out on the main point in nearly all the posts (or else, they hid it somewhere in the middle and I, merely amused, didn't actually read it all) - LEMON IS DELICIOUS IN HOT/COLD WATER!!


I'm fully aware that this isn't that amusing of an antidote, but I don't care. I'm going to drink my lemon tea now. mmmmmmmm

I have got to learn to live with myself,

I've writer's block and, as other have tried to use lj as a way to get past it, I thought I'd have a go. Can't be much worse than staring at the same last paragraph nightly for weeks on end. I'm currently blaming work, because I'm finally getting to do what I was hired for - edit the text books. We're revising the ocean text book and, with each section (from 3 to 20 (ack!) pages) that Joe has updated, he sends them to be and I go over them and make them easier to read. (You know, so they don't read like a really boring textbook, just like a boring textbook because it is still a textbook and I think that's in the definition.) While I work, I also get to do research and double check facts and I've learned more about the ocean in the past month than in any class I took (sorta), as I'm going through and rearranging the paragraphs, cutting out confusingly repetative material, getting rid of words that are too big for an intro class (equipotential!?! I think that was the most recent word and it took me some serious searching to even begin to understand it, and it really wasn't worth the effort), and generally moving things around  so they're readable and understandable. And it's a lot of fun. I really like playing with words, I like the concepts behind them (except iron fertilization, that sucked and I had to put a disclaimer in at the top saying I disapproved so I wouldn't try to argue EVERY point that this Martin jerk made. I understand the concept but it's stupid and ineffective. at this point, you're just littering.)
...
Gotta love it when people rant about something they enjoy because it makes it hard for them to do something they enjoy more.

The rest of life is going well. I bought myself a wii over Christmas (my mom had bought one (with wii fitness) for herself and Dad and I finally gave in and got one). Humorously, I am unable to hook it up because I have to buy a converter for my computer and haven't done so yet. I had some of an excuse, because this past week (starting with the Friday before last) has been so social that I haven't had a day to myself until yesterday. It was all good things, spent time with Matt and then Karen and Bryan over last weekend. Trivia (as always) on Monday, and then got together with co-workers and ex-co-workers on Tuesday (it's great, Tom is still very bitter and all his advise is about sticking around long enough to leave. Emily, on the other hand, left on much better terms and appreciated the old job, even if not really her stuff. Heather took that over and it's all administrative work - Heather has a masters in Meteorology and is frustrated with it but it is still a job at the American Meteorological Society, which looks spiffy on a resume and, perhaps more importantly, it's a JOB. Eventually, we'll get Mo and Tom (she ended up with his old job) together after she's had a tough day with Jim and it'll be 'interesting.' I'm glad I don't work directly under Jim, our director can be a seriously inconsiderate and demanding jerk. Beth and Joe are much more awesome.)  Um... oh yes, Wednesday was a surprise happy hour, at work, because the Policy Dept had just hired a Fellow and had some extra (nasty) bottles of wine, and then there was the caving meeting (with margaritas! yum! and deadly). Thursday was a mandatory building meeting - they're going to renovate, which means moving us renters about. It was good and informative and BORING. On top of all that, my stupid period was not showing up and not showing up, which it did so kindly yesterday, right before I went across the street to buy a pregnancy test. (Last period started Dec 1st, this one Jan 15th. Next time I'm going to ignore it until the two months. grumble.) 

Well, that won't be interesting to anyone except me and I'd never leave such large paragraphs in any other writing. However, I have an orange to eat and cats to play with. (I have come home to eat and sleep, they are in need of attention.)

Chao

Once upon a time, this morning, I refused to wake up and was running on the later side of on time. The ridiculously playful cats were not helping me speed along, but, finally, I decided I would toss the mouse for Carter one last time (Dresden had already lost his toy and I wasn't going to look for it again) then put my gloves on and leave. However, I misjudged Carter's excitment and nearness because, when I picked up the mouse, he made a swipe at it and got my finger instead. In response, the side of my finger immediately began to bleed, I yelped and Carter jumped away and gave me a reproachful glare as if I'd hit him. I told him he was a bad cat and went into the bathroom for a bandaid.

Being blind (apparently) I saw neither of the two boxes until I almost gave up (planning to wrap tp and tape around my already ointmented finger), then picked up the higher of the two. (They're on different levels.) At which point in time, I discovered I do not give high pitched shrieks when startled but, with a deep voice, loudly spout nonsense. (such as "potato ostrich" which is not what I said, I've already forgot that, but something similarly bizarre.) You see, the box, instead of being flat, had a lump on it which moved when I picked it up. As it turns out (proven Sunday while cooking) it was warm enough in DC for several of the stupid stink bugs to wake up and migrate indoors, again. I think, however, he migrated down the drain, as he (and the box of bandaids) had been thrown into the sink (by me) and the sink has no drain cover.

Then I went to work and was not late (but very much just exactly on time) except I forgot my key card so I couldn't get in. And thus began my first day back after vacation and the first Monday of 2011.

Next time I find a boyfriend, I want a morning person. I'm sick of staying up late and waiting around in the morning.

Guess what!!
A) my life has gone and gotten complicated and now I have a social life (stupid social life) but it'll be short lived because next month is November and everything will be sacrificed for writing. Which is a lie, it just means sleep will be sacrificed and I'll write at work. (pobre work, but they should give me more to do on a more consistent basis if they want me to be effective. Not needing to be effective, I am less than they think to require. sillies.)

B) Went to the ren fest yesterday (Yes, it's a festival in maryland. Had a discussion with matt about how it is a faire and everything, but the sign says festival. stupid signage.) The maryland fest is HUGE, a farmer has been converting extra wooded land into ren habitat over the years. Want an idea how big? We spent an HOUR in line waiting to turn left onto the street of the parking entrance and we were only contending with part of the DC visitors. (Karen, Bryan and co came from the opposite direction, turning right, and didn't have as long of a wait, but still a significant one. But it hadn't been like that previously! Not ever)

Okay, that's not the interesting part. (Of the many interesting parts. We'd raspberry wine, made from only raspberry's. good stuff. Also, mead. Also, cream stout, into which I later poured some mead. Oh, and I made a disgusting mix, prior, of octoberfest and blueraspberry snow cone. It turned green and I threw it out. In all fairness, I sorta knew it was a bad idea when I tried it but I was tired of carrying around the snow cone.)

Drinking habits aside. We looked at a painter's gallery (of which there are many) and saw a don quixote print, which I thought was lovely and desired (I'm trying to decorate my abode). However, not only didn't I want to carry it around, I have that rule that I have to come back if I want something. In retrospect, that rule didn't really apply here, because the print was small and only $15. I spent as much when I bought Matt the 'double' mead (that and wine are served in half glasses, beer in full) and myself the cream stout. (Which the bartender/wench found funny, because we had our mugs and she was ready to give me the mead but I wanted the dark beer and he the honey wine, and then I paid. So take THAT, gender roles. ...  this has nothing to do with the painting story.)

At the end of the day, when we went back to the shop, all the don quiote prints were gone. I asked at the desk and they flipped through the prints as well but, sadly, none continued to be found. She pointed out the actual painting (for $400) and I said, of course I want it but I can't  afford half that much. It was very sad. Then I dithered about and looked at the other prints (they'd some very nice dragon ones), convincing myself I should not be sad but buy something else, but really staring sadly at the painting. Then the shop owner asked if I was really was willing to pay $200.

After protesting that it was much too little (and shutting up my brain that had been ready to spend a little money for something small instead of a lot of money for something awesome), I did buy the painting, complete with frame. (Take that, stupid money-worrying brain. Good frames can be more than expensive all by themselves, and I got it all together! Properly done and everything, and they told me how to care for it but, other than that I need a feather duster because of the way dust will settle on the frame, I remember nothing. I was so, so drunk and happy.) The artist was there as well and they talked about people making a bee line to the shop (which we had, and had seen the painter in the window seat, though we'd not known who he was at the time), and sending them to a good home, and that they can set the price because they own it. (They also told me that they, and most places, will hold onto purchases so they needn't be carried, to which I replied that I would probably leave without them. They said it didn't happen often, but occasional someone would return the next morning to pick up what they'd forgotten. Granted, these are probably several hundred dollars someone just spent, so they'd probably remember.) I gave everyone a hug and was stupendously happy as we left, and then I listened to the organ for the last few minutes, (sitting with my amazing painting, which was wrapped) and he played the adam's family. On the organ. We all snapped and clapped.

In all, a lovely day, and I shall hang the painting this afternoon, when I am less worried about disturbing people. (Most everyone has today off, it's a federal holiday and so no one in dc works.)

The end. (of my attention span. adios!)

I wrote this on the airplane when flying back from DC after coming for my "job interview" and finding an apartment. So, early march some time. And then I left it to sit on the desk top until today, when I have decided it is annoying and I want it to go away. Therefore, here it shall be posted and the .doc on my computer dismissed. 
It's interesting to see the things I got completely wrong, and what is important and I didn't notice...

********************
Since I’m in the air, perhaps I should jot this down quick. (also, I love biscofts. They taste like brown sugar and cinnamon. Yum yum.)

Let’s talk about my misadventures over the past two days. Applying for a job was easy, just returning to where I interned at, though being told I now had to dress ‘more professionally’ has very much confused me. I thought I have dressed more professionally. I’ll have to look it up online.

Yesterday, I rented a place to live. I was about to go out and look at other places when this one popped up. The other places were under $1000 but seventeen minutes from the metro, this was $1155, plus gas and electric, but two blocks from the metro. On top of that, the first month was free (or, a security deposit of $99). The real seller was that it was two blocks down and that was very easy to walk to (dreary, wet days do not encourage walking to look at apartments). So off I set, and I pass the ‘Colonial Village’ all but immediately. I turn at the next block and walk up and down the street trying to find the place. I call the renting office but get the emergency maintenance office, am very confused and head back home. I double check the number, and then call for directions, and start out again. While I’m out being lost (a second time) I call and confess my inability to find anything. Finally, the problem is solved – I turned a street too early. I was on N Rhodes, not N Troy. And, it turns out, the emergency maintenance office is always on call and answers the phone when no one is around. (also, maintenance is a horribly difficult word to spell.)

It’s a lovely place, and it has a court yard, so I was sold. (wood floors, lots of space, most windows facing west, I believe. I’ll have to look at a map sometime. Being a genius, I don’t even recall my number.)

I couldn’t sign the lease though, because I brought neither social security card nor passport. I’m not even sure where the former is (my room is a mess), so I’ll be signing the lease and receiving my keys on the 11th. (It’s mine though, they have my security deposit.)

The security deposit was another thing. They wanted a money order, not check or cash, so they send me off to the post office. It’s right down the street, super easy to find. But I’m four dollars short (and some odd cents) of $99. I bought a ticket for the metro the other day. Fortunately, I do have the money, so I trek back up the street (you know, three whole blocks) where I am locked out and wait around to be let into Bethany and John’s apartment. (If someone asks, just lie and say you are a resident. I don’t know why I didn’t; if he didn’t know by looking, he wouldn’t know the difference. Stupid git. The nice woman let me right in.) So then I found the extra twenty I had stashed, took a breather and recollected myself. (The hill is slight but I was feeling immensely stupid at that point; also, this was supposed to take twenty minutes, tops, so I hadn’t slowed before and I really wanted to now).

It was a good break, in that it let me think it over and decide I really did want the place, instead of just a willingness to pick any place. It’s close to the metro, that free month will probably cover gas and electric for the first year, my friends are close, and there’s a courtyard. Honestly, the courtyard was the selling point. It’s like it’s own private little garden – no dogs allowed, which means no random poop either. There’s benches and what not, which’ll be nice in the summer.

That was the adventure of the apartment. More exciting things happened that evening, the main one being a lecture from the Honorable Dr. Joan Luchachean (sp?). She’s the head of ocean stuff in the government, including (but not limited to) NOAA. (See, professionally, I’ll have to remember this stuff a little better.) Bethany, John, Karen, Bryan and I all met up there (or close to) and hung around afterwards then went out for some amazing thai in the china town mall/cinema.

Today, being Wednesday, I said goodbye to everyone in the morning, but had slept really badly. Honestly, once I woke up to pee, I hardly fell back to sleep. I was still very tightly wound from all my earlier stresses and, I believe, it was well after 5 when I finally calmed myself down and drifted back to sleep. Instead of visiting my apartment again, to take pictures, or AU, to say hi to people, I hung around Bethany and John’s, half asleep, and wrote. With two hours to reach the airport, I left. I should have gone fifteen minutes sooner.

There was some mechanical issue on Foggy Bottom, which meant my ten minute metro ride (having already waited ten minutes for the train to arrive in 4) was in trouble. I took the long loop around (skipping the blue line) instead of waiting. There’s never any way to know if that was the right decision or not, but I wasn’t the only one making it. It was five already, so the trains were crowded, and we just all pushed in. I was fortunate and caught both those trains with either no on a 2 min wait. I reached my gate with five minutes to spare, but we boarded seriously late, so I got some writing time in.

Now, I am sitting in an air plane, a little one direct from DC to GR, which I may use more often because, despite the price, is so very very convenient. If I buy my ticket earlier (AMS bought this ticket to bring me in for the job interview)

Plans landing, chao!

Ps: on the plane, I had a full two seats all to myself (that would be all the seats in my aisle. It was very nice.)