exhausted or just lazy?

I have decided the former, as it took me the majority of an annoying npr radio blurb to get up and turn the stupid thing off. (I do like most of their clips, even the ones that I don't find interesting, but I do not need to have a childrens' story about a yeddish chicken read to me, thank you very much.) 

This troubles me more than it normally does because it's a cool, overcast day today. I've already missed the farmers market (it starts at 8, and I had forced myself out of bed by then but I never left the house), and should go for a walk. I think I'll end up going back to bed when I finish this. Does it still count as a nap if it's before 10? Yesterday, I came home at 6:30 and hardly remember falling asleep but when I woke up (very groggily) it was after 9 and I dragged myself up so I could eat dinner. If I hadn't chatted with Jenni online, I probably would've gone right back to sleep. Most of the pain is gone, I'm just so tired. I might just blame the overcast weather; I can still do that, right? ;-)

In other news, no grad school for next year. Did I mention I was looking into this? My work schedule is 8-4, which leaves lots of time for evening classes and, because I'm going to be forced to move next spring/summer (apartment renovations, I can either be moved into another apartment on site, or I could go elsewhere) I could potentially find a place close to whatever university that accepted me. (Ignore the fact that I hate school, I think I might have to go back again. Up until this point in my life, I've been angling for a field research job, maybe with the park service or something. If I want to do research again, it'd be helpful to get some laboratory experience. I haven't been in a lab since biochem, back in '02 or '03.)

I've two reasons for calling the search off. First is health. I couldn't handle any classes right now, evening or otherwise. It's difficult for me to find time to write my stories (or even post this). Most of my energy goes into work, and occasionally visiting with friends, which takes time to recover from. (yes, I am that pitiful) I couldn't handle the extra time commitment, from classes to class work, required for grad school. On the other hand, I would hope to have some better idea, or coping method, by next fall.

The other, and real, reason has nothing to do with that. My boss is causing havoc at work, which is a rant within itself, and shall be summed up by the evidence that three of our long term employees (remember, that's about a third of the people I work with) are brushing up their resumes. A masters program would stick me here about three more years, a phd over twice that. On the flip side, I could wait until next year, or the year after, to begin searching, hoping by that time I know what's wrong with me and how to handle it, and look beyond the DC area for schools. Maybe I could get a second masters in the area, (taking two night classes all year long would still finish me in two years, maybe a bit more, all depending, of course) and then go elsewhere. I could even get a job writing or editing for science ... stuff. (When am I going to learn this terminology?) That wouldn't require anymore schooling.

So, there's one more thing off my plate. I am becoming rather skilled at emptying that thing. I should put finding a doctor at the top of the list, but I'm tired so I'm going to lay down. If I'm not asleep by 10, I will get up and try to be productive. My living room is a disaster.